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Friday, April 28, 2006
I bought Flyleaf's new album. Who would have thought they are christian rock..? Dammit... I'm working Midnight tonight, and I have a lot on my mind. Stuff happened with S last night (NO! nothing...naughty) just me realizing how much I just want Nick here with me, right now. I miss Nick, and I wish he could just take me away. I think I'm really falling for Nick again..I mean DEEPLY. Thank god too..I was starting to worry.
# ranting @
7:00 PM
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Thursday, April 27, 2006
I have little adventures at wal*mart, like the oddest shit happens to me at that stupid store. I just got paid Tuesday amd I went out got Nick his b-day presents (a kick as DS game and a DVD)..I was browsing in the DVD section and there was a older redneck guy behind me. I picked up "Brokeback Mountain" so I could reach "Hostle" which was hiding behind it. The redneck said "Darling, you don't wanna watch that crap" I look at him and realize he's talking about Brokeback, I laugh.."What?" He smiles, "You would be better off with Doctor Dolittle 3". I get mad. "That movie is just about two queer cowboys" I think for a second, "Jealous?" Then I stand there smiling, while he spits out obscenities at me. Fun, I tell you. Tonight, I shall get drunk and watch movies. Probably call someone to humor me.
# ranting @
12:38 PM
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Wednesday, April 26, 2006
(I've already tagged people on myspace, and Justin is the only one that reads my blogs on here..soo) So the rules are, once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 6 weird things/habits about yourself. In the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog. 1. I can't sleep with any doors open in my room. 2. the feeling of emory boards (Nail files) creep me out. 3. I smile when I'm mad, because my emotions get confused 4. I like to dance in my undies 5. I'm a people watcher 6. 20 bucks says I can tell what you're thinking within a few days of knowing you I tag... 1. Justin 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.
# ranting @
3:26 PM
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Monday, April 24, 2006
I'm trying to figure out why I have a fascination with death. Not like an Emo kid fascination, I don't want to die! it's more like a "study". Is it the destruction value? is it the aftermath choas, or what?? I try hard to pin point when exactly I started to get into death. Most people would say it happened when my mother passed away, but I assure you I've loved watching horror slasher movies since I was two. I killed a kitten when I was three (Don't tell me you've never killed anything on purpose).. Today I was reading about a serial killer and just wanting to be inside his head for like a moment. I want to know and feel what he feels...Does he think? is it a sheer impulse? What is it like afterwards? any remorse or envy? I guess a lot of people would call me twisted, but I bet you have thought the same thing..I'm not ashamed of it though. I would never kill anything (Unless needed) That's another thing I think about..I really do believe if put in a life and death situation that I would kill the other person who was trying to harm me. I doubt I would be hesitant at all. I'm just rambling on random thought here...
# ranting @
6:04 PM
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I created a new Myspace layout plus added a new picture. www.myspace.com/kaseyl (Some stuff will not work with fire fox) 
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5:54 PM
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Sunday, April 23, 2006
If you come into America from a different country, LEARN FUCKING ENGLISH. In what language does salad mean salt..? Do you think I'm working at subway becasue I have great verbal skills??? fuckers. I'm a tad bit irritated, everyone can just go fuck themselves.
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1:21 PM
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Friday, April 21, 2006
I've been working like crazy lately. I get odd customers (Mostly truckdrivers). The other day I had a chinese guy yell at me because I didn't know chinese. If it makes him feel any better, I barely passed english. Today, I had a customer talk about how the neglect of his mother not breast feeding him..was the result of his detachment. I have 10 people behind him and he's telling me his screwed up family history....Why do people think I'll listen to their jabber, anyway? as a result I refuse to say "chicken breast" in the future. I work with a lot of my old high school friends, a preppy girl who was a horrid person has three kids. Twins and a 2 yr old, she's also 19 (Points and laughs).
# ranting @
4:43 PM
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Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I hate people who try to take credit for an immense change in another person. Like, a guy who changes his entire personality, stops drinking and whoring around. Then his girlfriend tells him "You're only a better person because of me". That's so much bullshit. Sure the girlfriend helped the process, but saying he's her creation is unfair and selfish. A person becomes a better human being by his/her own will, othrewise it's not enitrely changing...it's just faking it. Having a loving friend helps the "cocoon" process and makes things easier, but I would never take credit for the ending result. I believe there's good in everyone it's just not as visible as it should be. So when that person turns their self around, it was entirely their own doing.
# ranting @
12:37 PM
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Saturday, April 15, 2006
Today sucked. They screwed my schedule up and I had to end up working 11 hours plus they freaking knew that I had the shelter duty today!.I spent two hours with screaming kids after I got off of work...hmmmm kinda makes me want a cat instead. I'm in such a horrible mood, and I haven't spoken with Nick in two days. I need a drink.
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5:44 PM
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Thursday, April 13, 2006
"Some people are like Slinkies... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs"
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2:32 PM
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Wednesday, April 12, 2006
I got a job after looking for two months. I'm a stripper... not really. I work at Subway..just for now, until I move. It's not at all what I want, but it's money that I need. I'm going to pull a Justin and buy Alcohol with my first paycheck, and Kingdom hearts 2.
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12:22 PM
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Sunday, April 09, 2006
The last few months I have been pretty down about my body. It almost scares me how bad it's gotten, like I hate looking in a mirror..I literally dread it. I've gained a lot of weight since I've been on birth control pills and my stress eating habit. I feel disgusting and just pointless. This is me just being insecure, I'm aware...But I'm not sure how to stop looking at other girl's and wishing that I looked like them. One time Nick was talking about his anorexic friend and mentioned something about seeing a "Cow" every time she looked in a mirror. I felt so depressed after he said that, because I could actually relate. I'm not sure what to do...Is this serious? Or..Am I just a female?
# ranting @
5:23 PM
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Saturday, April 08, 2006
zero_doll999: *has an orgasm* zero_doll999: Kingdom Hearts 2 is finally out!! chimpy_dpv: I'm to assume your orgasm means this is life changing? zero_doll999: Not really, more like a lust induced hibernation chimpy_dpv: sounds fun
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2:35 PM
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Did you know that Benjamin Franklin created daylight savings time? it was a complete joke to mock the British, but congress passed it. Damn you, Franklin... "Prozac Nation" is such a kick-ass movie! I found a few quotes that I like from it: "They would half expect me to say something like 'Everything's plastic, we're all gonna die" -Elizabeth Wurtzel "Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it."-Elizabeth Wurtzel "I start to get the feeling that something is really wrong. Like all the drugs put together...can no longer combat whatever it is that was wrong with me in the first place. I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out."-Elizabeth Wurtzel
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11:10 AM
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Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Play with me?  Oh so sleepy  Pretty belt  Prpoerty <3 
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11:12 AM
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Tuesday, April 04, 2006
S got his present, today. Which is awesome...he called me a sweetheart. :) I'm in a weird mood tonight. I guess, because this guy that I chatted with on myspace and yahoo died yesterday. Which kinda sucks, because he was a good guy. I'm not depressed or anything, but it really does blow to hear stuff like that.
# ranting @
10:42 PM
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I watched this really "soft core porn" like movie the other day. "fall". It's about a surpermodel who falls for a cab driver, and visa versa. She also has a Model boyfriend who she cheats on. It had real heart to it though. Here's the final monologue in the movie that I fell in love with. It's beautiful! In Celebration of All Slain Hope
# ranting @
5:25 PM
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It's 5:30 in the morning and I feel just as restless as I did at 10. Too much on my mind to sleep. Nick is a great guy, I love him more than anything and he really does try. Though lately he's been a real jerk, arrogant and pushing me away. I know he has a lot on his mind I understand that...But what am I supposed to do..Stay on IM for 40 minutes of silence and then make little uninteresting comments to break the silence. Whatever. I'm in need of real communication. Maybe that's why I run to S. When I have a bad day with Nick or if I feel lonely he's the first one I check to see if he's around. He's like one of best friends (a hot best friend). Jesus Christ, I wish I was 21...Vodka would be my best friend for the evening. Do you know what blows about small towns?? The fact that every job is taken by a pregnant 16 year old girl, or a guy that is trying to pay off his fines. No one wants to hire a high school graduate with no kids....fuckers.
# ranting @
2:42 AM
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Monday, April 03, 2006
Sitting here wasted and wounded At this old piano Trying hard to capture The moment this morning I don't know 'Cause a bottle of vodka Is still lodged in my head And some blonde gave me nightmares I think that she's still in my bed As I dream about movies They won't make of me when I'm dead With an ironclad fist I wake up and French kiss the morning While some marching band keeps Its own beat in my head While we're talking About all of the things that I long to believe About love and the truth and What you mean to me And the truth is baby you're all that I need I want to lay you down in a bed of roses For tonite I sleep on a bed of nails I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is And lay you down on a bed of roses Well I'm so far away That each step that I take is on my way home A king's ransom in dimes I'd given each night Just to see through this payphone Still I run out of time Or it's hard to get through Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you I'll just close my eyes and whisper, Baby blind love is true I want to lay you down in a bed of roses For tonite I sleep on a bed of nails I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is And lay you down on a bed of roses The hotel bar hangover whiskey's gone dry The barkeeper's wig's crooked And she's giving me the eye I might have said yeah But I laughed so hard I think I died Now as you close your eyes Know I'll be thinking about you While my mistress she calls me To stand in her spotlight again Tonite I won't be alone But you know that don't Mean I'm not lonely I've got nothing to prove For it's you that I'd die to defend I want to lay you down in a bed of roses For tonite I sleep on a bed of nails I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is And lay you down on a bed of roses
# ranting @
5:34 PM
1 rantback(s)
Saturday, April 01, 2006
I'm studying Freud's theories on "Infantile Sexuality". Good stuff. I guess by birth and as we grow we learn to repress our sexuality as children. It's too "obscene" for a child to have those kind of feelings, however people forget sexuality is in our damn nature. I wonder what would happen if sex was a freely explored subject from birth? People should take in consideration the fact about teen pregnancy, STD's, and promiscuous teens. I hate those stupid only abstinence classes, that teach all about "saving yourself" and nothing real about sex. What's more important? The safety of denial that your kid isn't having sex, or not having to wake up at three in the morning with your new grandkid and his 15 yr. Old mother? Believe me, I'm just as aware that talking about sex can give some "wondering" kids ideas. Though, where would you really want them to get their information? Their equally absent minded friends or you? Personally, I would want them to come to me. Sex (to me) should be opened and honest, and of course you should stick to the basics (Depending on how the child is) until you know what your child can and can't handle. This is all random thought, and completely my opinion on most levels.
# ranting @
10:37 PM
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zero_doll999 (4/1/2006 4:05:07 AM): I'm writing in a blog S (4/1/2006 4:05:50 AM): yours or someone elses? zero_doll999 (4/1/2006 4:06:21 AM): mine, but not in MS zero_doll999 (4/1/2006 4:07:32 AM): What's up? S (4/1/2006 4:07:48 AM): nothin S (4/1/2006 4:07:55 AM): just wonderin what ur up to zero_doll999 (4/1/2006 4:08:05 AM): lol. zero_doll999 (4/1/2006 4:08:12 AM): nothing just writing zero_doll999 (4/1/2006 4:08:37 AM): don't worry it's not about you zero_doll999 (4/1/2006 4:08:51 AM): parinoid S(4/1/2006 4:09:07 AM): nah S(4/1/2006 4:09:15 AM): i wouldnt expect it to be zero_doll999 (4/1/2006 4:09:22 AM): lol zero_doll999 (4/1/2006 4:09:59 AM): *laughs* you never know..I could have a secret passion for you S (4/1/2006 4:10:12 AM): cmon now S (4/1/2006 4:10:20 AM): you don't have to make fun
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