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Friday, March 31, 2006

Batman is my lover

Blogger annoys me for the simple reason my posts don't show automatically. It's irritating.

Tonight, I went to see "V for Vendetta" again with a few friends, it made me cry just as it did the first time. That movie is very powerful.

Anyway, I was thinking about how hot the main character "V" was. Obviously it wasn't his body, because he never removed his mask or clothing. I mean that I find that whole suppressed emotion and wicked intelligence to be very sexy. Which would explain Nick and S, but I guess every girl gets a little flustered when it comes to "bad boys". The danger and the mystery combined is just a fun rush. However, if I were to think about it, Nick and S are far from bad boys...They are in fact the biggest Geeks I know. Nick owns over a hundred books (No lie), he spends his paychecks on books. S is a Video game head with a love for writing, and he also is starting his own book collection.
I guess it comes down to that intelligence issue, "..And oceans" said it "Intelligence is sexy", and I agree with this. It's very rare that I find someone to really connect with, and have an all out intellectual conversation.

Blah, I'm rambling.

*giggles* I'm listening to 90's XM and I find we had a lot of one hit wonders in the 90's. Right now, Ace of Base is on "The sign". I used to have that CD...I wonder what happened to it?

# ranting @ 9:35 PM
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Randomness

I finally figured out what was wrong with Yahoo and my webcam. It was my stupid Norton Firewall (Gay). So I'm going to download a new one tonight and remove Norton's Anti-virus. There's already 3 different firewalls on this computer, but I despise the AOL one, I despise AOL in general and am probably going to switch soon.

Last night, I had this weird dream that I was going to marry a friend of mine. I was just told that "you're going to marry Matt in an hour" so I had to put on a lame wedding dress and my biggest worry was whether or not I could keep seeing Nick.
I don't know.

I'm bored and want to design a new Myspace layout...Anyone want one?

# ranting @ 1:54 PM
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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Insensitive

When it comes to my emotions, I tend to have "guy" like tendencies. Like, Saying whatever is on my mind, I forget to be sensitive of others and I never watch what I say.
I've made this mistake numerous times with Nick and a few of my other friends. Now it's something I'm working on, with minimal success I might add.

Sarcasm isn't just a word or a tone..It's my goddamn personality. Tie up sarcasm with cynical and you have me.

I don't know, maybe I will just have to try harder.

# ranting @ 10:09 PM
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For Justin

Wanna play?

::Joke::

# ranting @ 8:26 PM
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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Love and lust

My doodle sucks, yes. I'm better at painting than drawing. I'm bored though so sucky doodles at 5 in the morning will have to do.

I sent S a B-day present today, He told me once if he woke up next me in bed the first words would be "Pass the twizzlers". SO, I sent him a bag of Twizzlers with a note that read "Just passin' the twizzlers". RIght now, I would feel totally bad for even talking to him...but he doesn't deserve to be left hanging.

This past trip with Nick has been very insightful for the both of us. It made me realize that by flirting with the idea of being with S, I was still hurting Nick. He says he wants to know everything about me...Sometimes you just don't NEED to know. It isn't threatening our relationship anymore, and even though I miss S..nothing will become of him and I. He's just a fantasy now.

Convo Nick and I had today on Yahoo:

Nick(3/27/2006 8:58:21 PM): You know, I love you so much that it's actually incredible. I never saw myself feeling this way for someone, you know? I've had strong feelings before, but not like this.
zero_doll999 (3/27/2006 8:58:42 PM): Wow, really?
Nick(3/27/2006 8:59:19 PM): Yeah. Really.
Nick(3/27/2006 8:59:33 PM): I mean, my feelings for you are unwavering. There's no ebb, just flow.
Nick(3/27/2006 9:00:03 PM): Even when I'm annoyed with you, I'm only annoyed because I care so much for you.

# ranting @ 1:28 AM
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Sunday, March 26, 2006

Where's a staind CD when you need one?

Boy, I'm pretty bad off right now. Depression really does take a lot out of you.

I need sleep or liquor.

honestly I can't give you a reason, had a bad day today...plus all the other repressed shit in my head. God knows what lies there.

I need a friend to talk to, I'm in one of those moods where you're ready to hug somebody and sob into them.

and this whole post sounds pathetic

# ranting @ 11:46 PM
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Symbolsim

Sigmund Freud and C.G Jung have Different theories about Symbolsim.

I read a short paper about it online (Symbol and Symbolsim) and I must say it brings a lot to my mind.

Freud used his theories in dreams, like the symbolism of the male and female genitals. Jung, however used it more in daily life, such as his patients artwork and mystical experiences.
They make brief mention of the differences between Jung's and Freud's theories. Interesting stuff. but they don't go far enough, in my opinion.

The more I study Freud the more I realize the hatred he had for relgion. Most of his work (or the stuff I have read) is mostly social commentary (anti-religious attitudes, the scientific method as applied to civilization, etc.). He's almost pathological about it.
He wrote an entire book about how science is a "cure" for the "disease" of religion. I mean, sure religion as commonly practiced is viral and pathological, but that doesn't mean there aren't people who use it well as a tool for self development.

Jung, however, is very basic to me right now. I really have to study more about him.

# ranting @ 12:35 PM
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Saturday, March 25, 2006

I'm borrrred.

Nick on my bed, reading.

# ranting @ 10:17 PM
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Lame

I just wrote a Kewl little opinon blog on my Myspace. It's about Freud and Jung's theories on Symbolism. I would post it here, but I doubt anyone really reads this blog, except for Justin.

I'm such a boring person. Writing about psycology on a saturday night, how lame. :P

# ranting @ 8:07 PM
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A thingy

1.How tall are you barefoot?5'6
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?nope
3. Do you own a gun?No
4. Rehab?No, thanks.
5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"?Depends, usually I'm pretty nervous at first. Nick's mother scared the jesus out of me.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?umm...food?
7.What's your favorite Christmas song?Mommy is kissing santa..
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?Water or juice
9. Do you do push-ups?Yes
10. Are you a vegeterian?hardly.
11. WHat's your favorite TV show?Weeds on Showtime is awesome, I love the Golden girls, Mad about you, Futurama, The family guy, Batman the animated series and Smallville. I like the Discovery health channel in general...except the birthing shows *Shutter* scary isn't the word for it.
12. Do you like painkillers? Alcohol count?
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?drugs
14. Do you own a knife?Yes.
15. have A.D.D.?nope
16. Whats your birthday?Oct. 19th
17.Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment:1. I'm hungry2. my butt is asleep3. drinking
18.Name three things you bought recently1. Killer Klowns from outer space DVD2. Pickles3. Junior mints
19. Name five drinks you regularly drink1. Juice2. Water3. Milk4. Sweet tea5. ...
20. What time did you wake up today?ummm around 1
21. Current hair?in a messy pony tail
22. Current worry?Nothing really
23. Current hate?distance
24. Favorite place to be?bed...
25. Least favorite place to be?The dentist *shutter*
26. Where would you like to go?I want to backpack somewhere..I don't really care where.
27. Do you own slippers?I have bunches of flip flops..does that count?
28. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?It's a coin toss, AA or married...or if I play my cards right, both.
29. Do you burn or tan?burn
30. Last thing you ate?ummm mints last night.
31. Would you be a pirate?no. Ninjas are cooler.
32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?a week ago or whenever I was last drunk
33. What 3 songs do you sing in the shower?Depends on what I'm listening to...usually it "I'm a little tea pot" I have a rap version.
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?this life size barbie that my mother got me for christmas.
35. What's in your pockets right now?a receipt and two dollars
36. Last thing that made you laugh?I don't remember
37. Best bedsheets as a child?The little mermaid
38. Worst injury you've ever had?I fucked up my knees in a car accident.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?2
41. Who is your loudest friend?They're all pretty vocal
42. Who is your most silent friend?Kat
43. Does someone have a crush on you?Maybe, I don't know.
45. What is your favorite book?Too many46. What is your favorite candy?Laffy taffy...and I hate the fact they made it into a stupid rap song and a body part...
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?I don't know
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?Something by Switchblade Symphony
49. What were you doing 12AM last night?Wal*mart maybe?

# ranting @ 6:57 PM
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Friday, March 24, 2006

This is the late show.

I'm pretty lonely right now, I could use a friend to talk to.
The shock of not having Nick around lingers for a few days, and causes immense loneliness. That happens with a long distance relationship though.

Today, I was looking at some of my old paintings in the basement and realized it has been a while since I've painted. I need new paint and brushes though....But I would still like to get back into it. Freud said to paint while angry or upset. You close your eyes, envision the shapes and other formations in your mind, and just slap it on there. Not only is it therapeutic but it has a very artistic outcome. Which you can already tell that's what most modern artists use.

# ranting @ 8:52 PM
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V for Vendetta

This week has been up most amazing! A lot has happened.

Nick was a great person this trip, Romantic and a gentleman...which was such a turning point in our relatonship. It means more to me now, HE means more to me now.
Like we made love in a different way, we kissed in a different way....it's all just truly amazing.

Anyway, enough Mush.

I'm thinking of joining a real "British Traditional Wiccan Coven", It's Not one of those groups who read Silver Raven Wolf (please don't!) and dress all "gothed out" and call themselves wiccans. The High priest and priestess have been around for years, and they're very intelligent. I spoke with Both of them on the phone...asking questions and such. They were getting to know me and feeling me out. Personally, I'm really excited!! I've been raised Mainstream Christian my whole life, and I really want to feel out other types.
British Traditional Wicca

Also, I went o see "V for Vendetta" with Nick and it was fucking fantastic! It is now one of my favorite movies. It followed the graphic novel pretty well and the cast did a great job. I'm always happy to see good anarchy material out in the world.

# ranting @ 11:54 AM
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Monday, March 20, 2006

Crazy

I had rough dreams all night last night, mainly about me in a rehab type thing. It was odd, like I was running from these agents and ditching them in different rooms. It was crazy.

# ranting @ 11:24 AM
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Saturday, March 18, 2006

Plans

I plan on fasting all day Sunday, not for any religious purposes though. It's healthy to do so once a month.
I also have a lot of stuff to do for the shelter next Friday, which isn't as easy as it looks. Taking care of 12 kids for 5 hours, is the most hardcore workout known to man...that and Thai fighting.
Nick will be coming back up Monday and staying 2 days. I miss him a lot, and can't wait to be cuddled. :)

# ranting @ 11:26 PM
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Monster

I was watching a movie where a kid's parent got killed by the monster hiding in the closet. Kids are always so scared of monsters outside the window, under the bed, or in a closet. If I ever get caught in a situation where they want me to look around for the monsters, I'd just tell them that it's just noises from the plumbing....even if you suspect it's really a perverted uncle. I mean for real, do you want to be the idiot that actually finds the monster and gets eaten? I don't think so.

# ranting @ 12:11 PM
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