My whole teenage existence and on up (after my mother passed away) I've always had the same dream about her..
The dream usually was pretty simple: She wasn't dead and never died and the tone of the dream went either two ways: I was happy that she was alive or sometimes VERY angry that she lied to me. Obviously whatever emotion I was feeling took the dream to a different level.
My self diagnosis is simple, repressed emotion toward my mothers death.
But last night it went to a whole new level! I had the dream of her being alive, But my family was involved. I also screamed at her, asked her how could she have lied to me and left me to raise myself, my brother and take care of my father. I was going into detail about John and how alone and broken down I felt. My brothers and sisters were trying to protect her, but I kept yelling and throwing things.
My unconscious mind was very upset last night, apparently. There's a definite amount of resentment in the dream, a little PTSD, and the outburst is more signs of repressed emotions.
Man, it was just crazy..I woke up in a sweat andm y heart racing. It's NEVER been that intense or depressing.
# ranting @
10:14 AM
0 rantback(s)
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Jen is my roommate's sister and Steve's old "hook up". She's dramatic, whiny and I hate the sound of her voice...it's completely ANNOYING. She's also pretty much lied about me and other stupid shit. I can't stand her, and I hate the fact that Steve doesn't respect my wishes. I mean do I parade Nick around the house?? and it is the same damn thing too! He doesn't like Nick!
I need to get out of here, I need a vacation away from Steve and this apartment. Seriously, I just need a real friend.
Since Nick has started to date again, he doesn't talk to me...My other friends live in different states and I'm trying to be optimistic but I'm just sick of being around Steve 24/7. I love him, and I'm glad I'm living here with him...but Damn he can be annoying and argumentative! Not bad though, just sometimes...
I just want a friend. is that sad?