All day I've been deep in thoughts, mainly because I had no sleep last night and it's been rainy all day.

My problem in the last relationship was that I held Nick out at arms length, I mean he was NO saint...but I'm far from perfect.
I never truly let him inside my head. I didn't trust him enough to understand, because I wanted to be everything he wanted me to be.
I felt like he didn't even know me after a year with him, like I was a stranger and he knew it.

I can't help but feel as if I tore us apart, but I know he helped a lot of the time. He was pretentious and arrogant, he never really listened to me, and after a while the connection was faded and we completely lost touch.

This time, with Steve I want it to be different.
the problem is..I don't know how.
I've been trying by speaking what was on my mind and telling him how I actually felt..instead of what he wanted to hear.
I'll figure the rest out as I go, I guess.

in other news, I'm getting a new baby December 1st.
and by "baby" I mean a cute fuzzy kitty, at the animal shelter's "adopt a pet" function.
I need a new pet, someone who isn't 16 years old and is nearly blind/deaf. I love speckles, but she doesn't have much longer...besides she could use a friend.