as of now, I'm living in North Carolina..I just finished moving and started my new job at the Reach Shelter as a family life counselor.
I'll admit this isn't exactly what I thought it would be. Living on my own and by myself is very...lonely, I guess. All my friends are back in PA and GA, I miss Steve Jen,Jackie and Zach.. Pathetic, I know. give me a couple of weeks to settle and get this house clean. it will start to feel like home without all the boxes around, hopefully.
When I got here, this house was a total wreck, the hardwood floors were filthy and the kitchen and bathroom were down right disgusting. I spent three days cleaning this house non-stop. It looks a lot better, but I still have two rooms to go.
I hope to find a roommate by that time and have someone to be around, at the very least.
I don't know what happened to me, being alone is what I loved the most...my own space and time to think. somehow within 2 years I've become...civilized..I think. more..well..WAYYY more social and personable. I have grown a lot, all the people i have met and the things I've experienced has taught me a lot.

My final conclusion on life in general:
I never ask the question "Why me?"..I know "why me' because shit happens. it's that simple. I don't believe that a god is picking on me or somehow Karma got the best of me. I'm going to be "up the creek" a number of times in my life, There's no denying, there's no running from it, and No chemical will ever change that fact. Sometimes, You just have to take things in stride with a smile on your face.
-end-

on to my birthday trip to Pittsburgh :)

when my flight landed in Pittsburgh, PA on the 18th..to say I was excited was an understatement. I was very nervous and jumpy, but it all melted away when Steve jumped me from behind. He grabbed me and spun me around, giving me a big kiss and the tightest/roughest hug I've ever received. It was like he never wanted to let go, there was a lot of passion in that one moment. it kind of caught me off guard.
Anyway, When we arrived at his apartment His roommates were there and they decided they wanted to take me to a bar that night. Steve and I headed to the bar a little later than the others ;) but when we got there They started throwing shots in front of me. Then there was this guy, who looked like he was in his mid 20's..tattoos and piercings, he just randomly came up to me and made a comment on how he saw my Georgia Id and he was from Ga... But I knew it was his lame way of hitting on me. If i wasn't already interested in Steve (Whom by the way was giving this guy "Get lost" looks) I would have thought this was a cute try and returned the flirting.. But I just nodded as he spoke away and he finally left. I could tell he felt like an idiot. It was written all over his face, So when I came out of the bathroom he was in the kitchen area ,making something...So, I decided to be nice and strike up a conversation. I was drunk by this point so i was happy to talk to anyone, really.
anyway, We finally went home and passed out. Well, Steve and I stayed up for a few hours ;D and then we passed out.
On my b-day Steve took me to The Hard Rock cafe and then he gave me my presents. First off, my old DS broke and i was very sad. steve saved me, by buying me a new DS!! I was mega happy, to say the least. He also got me the New Zelda game for it! Again, made me very happy. Then after dinner we went to the back way, where there are fountains and we hugged and kissed for five minutes...It was awesome. Then, he took me to the incline that lead on top of a mountain and overlooked all of Pittsburgh. It was amazing and beautiful. Steve was attached to me the entire trip. giving me hugs and kisses, whenever..His excuse was that he won't be able to touch me for a while so he was making up for all the future lost time.
Finally, We went to a party at our friend AJ's house and got wasted. it was a good party, except This guy DJ downed a 5th of Jack in 30 minutes..needless to say was cleaning puke off his face and hands by the end of the night.
Him: "Don't clean me up it's embarrassing"
Me: "it's more embarrassing with puke on your face, and I'm used to it"
Him: "You're a good person"
I laughed as he tried to get up, but failed. He just passed out on the couch, and stayed there until the next morning.
The rest of the trip was spent with Steve. we stayed in bed the entire day sunday, making love every hour and then talking afterwards.
Oh, this is the good part: He was very quiet for a little while, and I asked him what was on his mind. He smiled and said "I'm scared to ask you" i looked at him for a second and replied with "You don't have to tell me"..but I flashed my blue eyes and gave him my one sided smile that usually gets me my way. He sighed and rested his head on my chest and wrapped his arms around my body then asked "will you be my girlfriend?"
I laid there in shock. That question that I longed to hear for 3 and half years, rendered me completely speechless. i had no idea what to say, except a jumble of "Umms and Uhhs" I just said "I'll have to think about it"

He nodded and I changed the subject.
I asked him why he wanted to ask now. After all this time, why that moment? He answered with "I want you to have faith in me, I know I can prove myself worthy..if you just give me a chance" "I love you, so damn much" So, finally Monday came and he took me to the Airport and we stood there kissing and he looked so..defeated. I actually saw tears in his eyes. but he wouldn't look at me long enough. I looked at him and said "I love you, Steve" and he smiled at me..(Oh god, that smile) and said I love you too and he turned around and walked away.

The hardest thing to ever see.

Okay, this is a long post. I had a lot to say.